Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
