Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
