He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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