You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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