I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
