somebody snuck up and got me drunk
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She bit a glass in half.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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