My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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