my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
