Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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