Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
