I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
