So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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