the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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