But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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