I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize