Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I'm really busy with my period
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