Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
