Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
