the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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