Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
