This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i love accidental penises.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
