Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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