Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize