i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
