Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize