I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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