please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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