do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
