Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
