Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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