I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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