Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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