im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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