i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
