Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
