I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
This baby is an asshole
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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