I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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