I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
