At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
