Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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