Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
