so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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