Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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