I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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