what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
