i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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