that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
