I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
