Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize