Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
