I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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