Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
