I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize