It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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