It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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