there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
