Can i not drive my cunt home
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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