wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
