I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I touched a dick in church today
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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