So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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