I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
If I die, sorry about rent.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
