I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize