Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
