I think I died a long time ago.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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