my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize