I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
i think im in europe. pls send help
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
