Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
