i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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