He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
