oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Every concussion has its silver lining
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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