weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
