fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize