im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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