think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
