Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
