I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
