Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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