I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
why do cheetos always look like penises
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize