he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize